Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
