Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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