fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
These tits shall not be calmed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
