I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
