i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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