i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
