I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
