I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
