Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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