please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
