no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
