You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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