I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
