hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
