Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
