I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
