my mouth tastes like poor choices
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
