Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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