Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
