i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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