i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
