i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
