I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
