I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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