how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
