she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
