Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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