The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
