I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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