I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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