I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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