I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
