How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
