So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dick very happy bro
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
