In the future we'll all be gay
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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