Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
3 2 1 whiskey
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
