I'm gonna have a badass scar
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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