That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
