Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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