I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
