As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
