youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
