went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
