I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
