I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Randomize
