Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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