Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
