i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
