apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
