her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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