Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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