Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
