You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The adults are the big ones right?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
