i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
