Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
